Thinking through the reasons I am starting this, I guess I should give you guys a slight insight to what my life is like. I am a woman. I am 18. I am an Army wife. I'm married. I love my husband. Maybe I should give you a little more than that.
I am Ellie Brigget. I'm not complicated, at all, but the world can't see things my way. There are a lot of things about me that no one knows, things that I am hoping I can tell you. See, it wasn't long ago that I was a normal teen, I was in high school, accepted to the college of my dreams, getting ready to persue a career with God's greatest gift to women, horses. Somewhere between the beginning of my senior year and the day I got married, everything changed.
I met my husband a few days before the end of my junior year. Alex had this spark in his eyes that I couldn't resist. There was something about him that I could see that I wanted, and I wasn't sure if I would be able to get it. I would love to tell you it was love at first sight, but what fun would that be? Alex was dangerous, something I had never experienced before, and I wasn't sure about starting down that road then. He was older too, 3 years older, to be honest, out of high school (something else I had never done) and in the Army (something that was a big no no from where I was from). But as time passed, I couldn't resist the feelings I had for him. I actually met him in May, the following year, but that's a story for later.
Alex deployed in September of my Senior year, leaving me dateless for all of the major event, prom, homecoming, everything senior girls dream of was gone for me. I spent my days working through school, my nights making sure he showed me all of his fingers and toes and that there weren't any missing. Soon enough, school ended, Alex came home, and I was in New York, married, and keeping house. Slowly the days passed, until one day I broke. I was devastated. I got put in a mental hospital and started treatment for Bipolar Disorder. I guess that experience is really what lead me to this, the thought of escaping myself for a little every day and just spilling myself onto a laptop and letting got of all my worries intrigues me.
So now, I will start with today. I am on my way back to New York today, currently sitting in a westbound train approaching my destination, and my husband. There is a strange man accost the isle from me who has been eating sushi, and has been sense before we left from NYC. Every ten seconds or so I get a text message, nothing interesting is going on though. So today's topic is going to be something light, or not. How do homecomings sound to you?
Homecomings are something that I, as an Army wife, specialize in. today, I am going home. A few months back, my soldier came home, and there is nothing quite like a military welcome home ceremony. If you have never been to one, here is the general idea. There is a band, they play music, the military songs we all here in the old world war two movies, then the soldiers come out, in alphabetical order, and "march" in place, it's pretty strange. Then they talk about how that unit did an awesome job, wherever they were, and then they sing songs (soldiers singing, btw, is one of the funniest things ever). While all of this is going on, in the bleachers are the families, people who haven't seen each other for up to 15 months. One they finish singing, the people in charge talk some more, and then they get released. Hugging your soldier for the first time in months is the greatest thing ever. It's like, Christmas morning when your 5 and you can't WAIT to get up and see exactly what Santa brought you. When you step of the bleahers and frantically look for your other half, spot them, run up behind them, and hug them, they get this huge cheesy grin on there faces and some cry. Most of the wives and children cry, it's just very emotional for everyone involved. Anyone who has ever experienced one is very lucky and knows exactly what I'm talking about.
The only thing harder then loving someone else, is loving yourself truly and unconditionally, and its something I think we should all strive for. To love yourself is awesome. Not in a cocky way, but in a healthy way that allows you to grow and mature in your abilities and your dreams. I mean, what would it really be like to take everything everyone said and try to find the good in it? Most of us try to see the good in other people, someone offers you the seat next to you on the train, even though they are using it for bags, someone helps you out when your down, someone goes out of their way to take you to your favorite restaurant, regardless of what it is. The little things people do for you that change your day, or even a smile from a stranger when your having a bad day at just the right time that changes that day for you, turns it around. That song that has gotten you through a lot of lonely nights, the person you long to be with. You see the good in these situations, so I ask, why cant you look at yourself and see the same greatness, the same genuine ability to love? Why do we all tear ourselves down and make ourselves seem littler then we really are?
Today, I noticed something about myself. I love. I love others, I love me, I love everything that I can, I have never felt like this before but I can feel something changing inside of myself, something that wasn't there before. Who knows whats going on, but its something good, something I want to keep track of.
Well people. Im going to wrap up this post.
<3 Ellie. <3
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